You know, I really understand now why so many vets - even experienced ones - commit suicide. Its not neccesarily the pressure from without that makes them - us - crumble. But the pressure from within - these self-set standards which may or may not be attainable, this feeling - conviction - of inadequacy, the constant comparing of oneself with the vet-next-door. And its all relentless.
Now hold up, don't call 111 - I didnt say I was suicidal or anything. I just said I get it, why some people would be. Just like how a newlywed, after a while, might understand why couples go through divorce. Or one starving might see how easy it is to steal. Its a powerful understanding.
I hope like anything this feeling doesnt hang around til my retirement party. I do want to be a vet thats 'good enough', if not 'good' full stop. But I fear with my - and all of our - damned perfectionist personality/ies it just might. So whilst others choose otherwise, I put on my scrubs and live with it.
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