Contrary to popular belief, being
a Good Networker or Connecter Of People doesn't require you to be an extrovert,
have a wide range of interests, or attend copious amounts of networking events.
It does, however, require one
thing.
It requires you to
Care.
What does care look like, in this context?
To care is to:
1. Ask good questions.
To care, you must listen. So yes,
close your mouth - but then open it again to ask questions. Good questions,
that is. Ones that go past How Are You, What Do You Do For A Living, Where Are
You (Really) From?
Consider:
'What do you do for work?', followed by 'What is the best part of that sort of
work?'
‘How old are your children?', then 'What sorts of activities are they into?'
‘What was the last good book you read?' ‘What drew you to it?’
First questions are asked out of
courtesy. Follow up questions show genuine interest. We show we’re
listening. We can't connect with people
– let alone connect them with each other - if we don't really know them.
2. Take note(s)
My dad is an academic. He’s not the typical 'life-of-the-party', nor does he have any hat-tricks, Dad-jokes or famous dishes to share. But he is an excellent networker and never short of friends. And one way he does this is by taking notes.
Classic example: we join a tour
group on family holiday. Dad chats to his fellow travellers. At the end of the
day, he jots down people's names, plus one thing about them, in his notebook. So
whilst the rest of us on day three still have no idea who we are sitting next
to, Dad, after 24 hours, knows not just their names but that: Bill is an
accountant, married to Betsy; Frank also has teenage daughters; This is Janet’s
60th birthday present (and by the way, we should organise a cake for her) and
Gerald is into golf. Note that Dad doesn’t just remember these
things, with some amazing super power memory. He knows them because he’s
made the effort to record them with simple pen and paper, back in his hotel
room.
I used to scorn this as a child,
but now I confess I’ve taken up the habit. If I meet you at church, or a
backpacker’s event, you'll probably feature in my phone or at the bottom of my
Bible notes: ‘Michael - plays keyboard'. 'Isabel - has a ragdoll cat'. ‘Anna
- blue hair, works with kids'. Call it creepy, or stalking – only if you can
offer me a more effective alternative.
First, we get to know people,
then we remember what we know. Only then we can connect others.
3. Courageously connect
Ethan showed me twenty Instagram
pictures of his Friday night feast. Cathy told me about a new Korean BBQ
restaurant in the city. I’m going to connect these two because it seems like
they’re foodies - and I’m not. Isabel won’t shut up about her new kitten. Eric always
talks about getting a cat, so I’m asking Isabel to brief him about pet
ownership. Simon mentions he’s joined a futsal team but when I ask how its
going, he says they always seem to be short on players. I know Juan is sporty –
well..at least he said he runs. He’s also new to Melbourne. Perhaps he wants to
fill in for Simon’s team? No pressure either way, I tell both of them.
I’m aware that none of this
connecting may work. But some of it just might - and I will have done it
without sharing ANY of their interests. I’ve just taken an interest in the people
themselves, noting their interests.
Dare to Care
We live in an age of information overload. From news of war to celebrity
breakups to the brunch your best friend is consuming right now, we’re hit with
a stream of disconnected information. Our brains aren’t trained to take much in
anymore, unless, of course, there’s a scandal or a heroic achievement. The
problem is, most people we meet won’t have either on their record. Neither –
lets face it – do you and I. Though we’re still worth getting to know, right? Yet
just as we scroll through profiles on a screen, we scroll through faces at a
party. As we jump from browser to browser, we skim from conversation to
conversation.
Shallow; disjointed.
We need to reset; to retrain.
Sounds good on paper/my device, you say – but it’s just not that easy. And
you’re right. Which recipe/weight loss program/Master’s degree is harder
on paper than in real life?
Building connections with and between
people means looking beyond yourself, to others: Rather than switching off in
‘boring’ conversations, you actually recall the content at the end of the
night. You create a new Google note. You debate whether to send the seemingly
random text, asking yourself: ‘Is this socially appropriate? Or social
suicide?’
Wanting to connect people takes
effort, risk and humility. It doesn’t always come naturally – but who says we
have to be ‘naturals’ at everything we do? If it’s not natural, at least it can
become less unnatural. If you’re not intuitive, at least learn to be intentional.
There’s nothing wrong with a few tips in the toolbox and a framework to work
from. Perhaps this post has served this purpose.
Our world doesn’t need more
networking events. It needs more networkers. It’s crying out for connection. It
needs care in this context.
Being a Good Networker or Connecter Of People not be your cup of tea. Even so, what question might you ask, what note might you take, what suggestion might you make, for the sake of others?
